Fyodor Dostoevsky is regarded by many as the greatest novelist of all time.  I remember reading Crime & Punishment in high school, and though I was not (nor am I now) a literary buff by any means, I found that I became more absorbed with the novel's main character, Raskolnikov, as we navigated his enigmatic life.

Dostoevsky was arrested early in life for his plot to overthrow the Tsar (the Soviet emperor) in hopes of establishing a democracy.  While imprisoned, the Tsar did something to him that altered his entire life.  The Tsar sentenced Dostoevsky to the harshest punishment possible – death by firing squad.  When the day of his execution arrived they marched him outside and stood him blindfolded with his back to the wall.  The squad loaded and aimed their arms.  The Lieutenant asked him if he had any last words.  After briefly saying something, the Lieutenant finally barked the orders:

“Ready........aim.........FIRE".

The guns simultaneously discharged with deafening blasts.  Unbeknownst to Dostoevsky, the barrels were only loaded with blanks.

Dostoevsky went through the process of dying, without dying.  Can you imagine that?  This type of staged performance was deemed so utterly terrifying that it was known to produce mental insanity in the Tsar's prisoners.  What the Tsar knew was that if an individual was put through this torment, he or she would be so grateful that they would never rebel against the Tsar again.  Dostoevsky did not become a martyr for the cause, but instead was grateful of the Tsar for the remainder of his life.

Dostoevsky later told what his ‘last day’ was like.  He awoke in the morning, knowing that this was his last day of life and realizing that it was only a matter of hours before his execution.  When served his last meal, he deliberately savored each portion of the meal with such delectable appreciation.  It was the best food he had ever tasted.  When they marched him outside he felt the rays of the morning sun on his face.  It had never felt so good on his skin. The crisp, fresh air was never this delicious to inhale.  Every moment leading up to the firing of the guns was lived with such hyper-intensity and ultra-awareness.  Every facet of life was magnified as to not take anything for granted.  Dostoevsky contends that he was more alive in those few morning hours than he had everbeen before. 

When we tiptoe through life, we forget to live passionately and with intention.  We are afraid to do daring things for God because we are too cautious.  Life becomes an annoying chore rather than a delight, and we wade through our days not fully realizing the gift we have.  And what a gift we have! May I never take the ebbs and flows of life for granted.  It is my hope that I, too, am able to live each waking moment with such hyper-intensity that my life evolves into a glorious adventure instead of a banal, redundant exercise.

"To be a human being among human beings, and remain one forever, no matter what misfortunes befall, not to become depressed, and not to falter -- this is what life is, herein lies its task." (Fyodor Dostoevsky in a letter to his brother before his bogus execution)